Here I sit trying to jot down a few words about something positive and upbeat; something that might make you smile or even chuckle. Goodness knows, if there’s ever been a time where we are in need of a smile, a giggle, a laugh, it’s now. Instead I’ve been staring at the whiteness of the screen. When words of positivity have found their way upon the blank canvas they have been immediately deleted.
I don’t feel positive and upbeat. If I wrote something in that vein it would be a lie.
I feel anger.
I feel uncomfortable.
I feel sad.
This past couple of weeks the news has bombarded us with images that tell a very long and true story of hate and anger. These images are unsettling, uncomfortable and cannot be unseen.
I’ve had moments where I’ve thought “I wish I hadn’t watched that” or “I wish I didn’t know this”. The thing is, if I hadn’t watched there wouldn’t be the opportunity for continued self-study (Svādhyāya) at my place in all that’s happening. If I didn’t know, I wouldn’t be able to try to lend my actions, as small as they may be right now, to the very real and painful cries of injustice.
Yoga brought awareness into my life. What a wonderful thing that is but it can also be heartbreaking. Awareness has made me more open, more feeling. There have been many moments where I wish I could go back to being completely and utterly oblivious to the ways of the world. Back to a time where I watched the news but was able to disconnect because it wasn’t happening to me or to someone that I knew. That didn’t mean that I didn’t feel sadness or anger or have empathy for the victims of violence but, quite simply, I was able to disengage.
Now is not the time to disengage.
Now is the time to engage with understanding, acceptance and love!
I am owning up to my own transgression of staying silent both in words and in action. I continue to read, listen, learn and unlearn. I am doing. My steps are small but there is a long road ahead so let the pace be steady. I know I will stumble. I know I will fall. I know that I will say the wrong thing (which has always led to staying silent) but I am doing.
While “I” am jotting down these words and talking about myself let me be perfectly clear that my emotions, my fears, my anger and sadness are just that – mine. They are not meant to land on any one person, adding to their own sea of sadness and tears. I am a privileged white woman. It took me a long time not to feel a grand sense of complete and utter annoyance at those words. I’m not privileged! I’ve had my own trials and tribulations! Ah, yes BUT not one of them was due to the colour of my skin.
This latest hateful and violent act of racism against Mr. George Floyd has caused the winds to shift. There’s change in the air. And it’s not subtle. It’s heavy, sad, uncomfortable and scary but change, being the very act of making or becoming different, always is.
Now is the time to listen and unlearn the biases that have been unconsciously woven into our DNA.
Now is the time to sit with uncomfortable feelings and do the work to understand why they are uncomfortable.
Now is the time to love.
Now is the time to give our support and use our privilege because all lives cannot and will not matter until Black Lives Matter.
Here I sit, ready and willing to do the work. I hope you will join me.
By Cheryl Hendsbee
Cartoon – @newyorkercartoons / Victor Varnado
